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How many years has it been? [22 May 2010|01:14pm]
My poor Livejournal. I remember when this used to be like my whole life. lol. Does anyone still use this anymore? I hardly even use my Xanga, either. Well if anyone cares, I am married, graduated, and looking to move back south. If anyone knows of any openings, let me know. <3
2 spoonfuls| of sweetness

Another Year [20 May 2007|12:03pm]
Wow, it's been a whole year since my last lj update. let's see.

I've been through a lot again. I'm learning more and more everyday. I finally got over that hurt from Joel. omg....that took a long ass time.

I was going through a lot first semester. I had a very stressful major. It consumed my life. I was so stressed and depressed. I had a few nervous breakdowns where I'd cry one of those ugly cries in the middle of my living room floor, clutchin the phone trying to call my parents, my grandparents, cousneling services, anyone who could calm me down before I went insane. That was a bad place. I was hardly eating or sleeping due to the insane amounts of work I had. I wasn't quite over Joel at that point and he was ignoring me (he was pledging) so that was a shot. Lots of dead end hookups. Parties. Alcohol cause I felt that was a way i could let go, i dunno, stupidity. I even tried to seek counseling but I never had any time to make an appointment. Got into a relationship with this guy. It was cool at first. He helped me to relax those nights i was stressin out over money or school or life in general. But it was just a bad time for both of us and he started drifitng away and so for a lil bit I had that stress but we broke up cause I couldn't handle trying to carry a dead relationship on top of the stuff I already had to worry about. Long story there. I learned a lot from that relationship about what sort of man I need to be with. Not that he wasn't an amazing person, he was, it's just he was very young, unsure, unreliable in some ways, and overall just not ready to love or to be loved, and I wasn't trying to wait around for him to come around because ultimately i could be disappointed, yanno. But check out xanga for all those extendeds.

Second semester i made a promise to myself that I would become my first priority. Everything would take a back seat to my mental, spirtual, and physical well-being. First semester shouldn't have been that horrible. My family was so concerned cause they could hear how troubled I was in my voice, yanno. So I vowed to have better quality of life. I started spending more time with my friends. If homework was too stressful I just wouldn't do it. School is not worth my sanity. I don't know. I started reevaluating my life and the people in it, making my life simpler, less stressful. Simplifying. I tried out my major again but dropped it in the first month or so because I realized I didn't love it enough to put myself through that ridiculousness. Basically this semester was a chill semester. Chillin', having fun, not stressing. No drama...well...until the end but I don't even wanna get into that. Check xanga. It's some fucked up shit. Even your best friends can surprise you...true colors start to show after a while yanno. anyways...so I'm doing good. I'm doing so well. i'm so happy, now. I'm just trying to live my life stress free. Whatever it takes for me to wake up smiling.

btw. I met this amazing guy. He treats me so well. Through my past run ins with guys and the things I learned through those situations, I know that he is someone I can be with and work well with. He treats me like I'm the empress of the world. He tells me everyday he loves me, and he's always honest with himself and me. He's the realest person I've ever met. I adore him. Love him so much. It's nice finally to meet someone who's not afraid yanno. He's not afraid to love me and he's not afraid of my love. He's just bursting with love and compassion and...this guy is serious. I'm so blessed to be able to share my life with him.

I'm in a good place.
of sweetness

[20 May 2006|11:12am]
Wow, it's been almost a year since I updated last. I've been on that serious xanga tip. Ya'll should go ahead and take a look at that.

So since I updated last. School started. Somewhere over the summer I fell in love with Joel. Got to school, somewhere within the first month he decided he didn't like me anymore and cut my heart to lil pieces. I fucked up friendships by hooking up with guy friends. Don't hook up with friends. I learned that if a guy hooks up with you and the friendship is fucked up, ya'll weren't friends anyway. I dunno, I just learned a lot about guys...and how must of them suck. I fell into a depression. I became addicted to partying, men, and alcohol. Made some stupid mistakes. Made some good decisions. Made some awesome friends. Kicked school's ass, even tho it was kicking mine, too. School gave me a nice run for my money but I emerged victorious with a 3.7 GPA for the year. And yea, my heart has been torn to pieces and stomped on repeatedly because of lost loves, stank so-called-friends, loss of friends (RIP Nate and Billy), guys who pretended to give a damn (yes, several), wretched feelings of lonliness, and at times just desperate feelings of homesickness. But guess what, I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm still fighting. So fuck what ya heard I ain't out of the game yet. It was a hard year, but I can't say it was bad. Yea, shit happened, but it was a learning experience. It was a good growing year. I made the best friends a girl can have and I had some good times. Next year I'll be better able to handle my freedom, and I'll be smarter about a lot of things.

So what's good for the summer? Getting back right with Christ...my road dawg. Quitting men and drinking. Yes I quit men until I feel I am better able to handle myself when it comes to them. Depression and alcochol and men don't mix well, makes you stupid. What else? Oh yes, working hopefully and having a good time. I love home.

I dunno what else to say. If you have a bit of time on your hands I would read my xanga. May take you forever but it's interesting if I say so myself.
of sweetness

whoa [21 Jul 2005|10:48pm]
It's been a minute. Let's see.

Basically I've just been getting ready for college! woot! I'll be moving in on the 19th. I'm in the arts adventure learning community, too, which is cool. I'm so excited to be starting school soon. Oh my gosh! lol, so lovely.

....and I graduated! yay for me! woot! Joel came down to see me graduate and the day after we made it official, we're dating. So it'll be two months on the 28th. I saw him for the fourth. twas fun. I saw lots of cmu ppl, and we reminisced about old times. neways, I can't wait to see him again. This long distance things sucks, lemmie tell you. But it shall soon be over in a month and some change when we are both at the 'cuse. HECK YES!

I got a new job! I've been working there for about a month, now. It's Rue21. It's sooooooooo much better than the stupid Gap. Gap can gnaw on my left tidday!

Neways, that's all I can reallly think of right now. Look me up on xanga for more. toodeloo
2 spoonfuls| of sweetness

[04 May 2005|08:39pm]
Where art thou Jam?

The Gap can suck on my left tidday!!!!!

Prom post is to come later.

I had a productive day. Birth control (yes!!! I shall hate my period much less, now.), shots, college medical forms, job apps, and best of all....

LICENSE!!! (heyull yea!!!!)

bit of Sunday night dialogue humor

(talking about how Lauren's tootbrush randomly went off in her toiletry bag and how it must have looked to others)
Cynamon: "Deana wants a vibrator!"
Larryshia: "Oh yea?"
Me: "Yup!"
Lauren: "What would you do with a vibrator?"
Me: "Masterbate"
Everyone: "......"
of sweetness

bored [01 May 2005|03:28am]
quiz resultsCollapse )
2 spoonfuls| of sweetness

HELP ME [28 Apr 2005|09:03pm]
x-posted in my hot_fashion

...this is picture heavy....

I need help!!!! But first, my prom theme is Mardi Gras. Look at what I made!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and unfinished one for a friend
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

OKAYYY!!!!!!!!! Now, prom is Saturday. I'm supposed to get my hair done tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to get it done. I would really like suggestions!!!!!! I would be so grateful. Also, I think my boobies are going to pop out of my dress. Solutions to that would be appreciated. And, because I know a lot of you are opinioniated, I would like some helpful comments on my whole get up. I sorta just threw everything together, so I'm not sure how I like it all.
ack @ not being photogenicCollapse )

This is what I wore today
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
the break downCollapse )
5 spoonfuls| of sweetness

[26 Apr 2005|04:11am]
If it wasn't for this Web Design class that we do absolutely nothing in, I don't think my livejournal would be alive, today.

Neways, so I'm sitting here in class looking up hotel rates so I can get back to Joel with the prices. He says it's looking really good for him to get down here, so I just need to hit him with the rates so he can tell me how long he can stay. Omg. I would so love for him to come!!!!!! My mom is giving me such a kick ayuss graduation present. Forreal forreal. I'm like dying with anticipation. I want him to stay all summer so I can be around him for days and days and days, but that's not a possibility.

I had an interview at the YMCA, yesterday. They are only taking like eight people. About 15 were there. I sooooooooooooooooooo want to work there like you won't believe. That would be the awesomest job ever. Not to mention that if I'm a summer counselor I'd have like 40 hours a week. The greatest part of all, though, is I get to work with the kiddies and go places with them and be like that positive force for the summer. It's so easy for kids to get lost in the world, now, yanno. If it wasn't for my faith in God early on in life, I'm not sure where I'd be right now. I'm not sure I would be as, I dunno, amitious and hopeful for my future. I want so bad to make a difference in their lives. And I know it'll be a great experience for me to grow.

Neways, after my two hour interview I was stranded there and I was losing my mind trying to call everyone and trying to get a ride. My dad said he had no car. It took me like twenty minutes to get in touch with my mom, but after calling Ryshia to get JB's number I called him, he beeped his girlfriend's mom, and her mom told my mom to call me. So I finally got in touch with her. So she came and got me which I knew was going to take like 45 minutes, so one of the interviewers took me to the shopping center where I looked around. Ma came and she bought me some shoes and this lil cover up thingy. Then in the car my mom told me that the reason Dad did not have a car is because that he got in a wreck after picking up my sister from practice. Supposedly he like passed out on my sister and the car went out of control. Thank God that the both of them are alright. I didn't even know how to react when my mom told me. I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to either of them. I'd die inside. My sister is really shaken up about it, too. She doesn't like to talk about it, and she even asked to sleep in my bed...but she opted for watchign tv instead. I'm just grateful that the both of them are okay. I'm so grateful. I was thinking what if something like this or worse happens when I'm in Syracuse? I wouldn't be able to get down here. I don't know. I'm really full of doubts right now. But I guess it's natural to be this way when you are about to undergo such a large uprooting. Thank God for Joel. At least I know he'll be there physically to help keep me somewhat sane.

OH oh, if I get hired on at the YMCA, then they say we get like a two weeks vaca. haha, I wonder if he'd like me to come see him in Philly. Ma already told me (told me, I didn't ask) that I could go if I wanted. Yea, she really wants me to date this kid. She even said she wouldn't fly him down for graduation if we didn't date. lol. Mike says that he thinks that she thinks I'm a lesbian and so she's trying to get me to date Joel. lol. She said it wasn't true. I dunno. I'm not a lesbian but whatever, she's being way supportive of me in a relationship right now. Everyone is for me being in a relationship. I just don't know. I would love to date him, I really would, but I'm like relationship deficient. I dunno what the heck I'd be doing. I guess no one really knows. I suppose we should just wing it. Try and see where it goes I guess. I don't know. I just don't want to screw it up. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose him by being stagnant in our relationship (which is, for the time, a significant friendship), and I don't want to lose him by screwing up our relationship if it does go deeper. I like where we are right now. I feel that we are truly friends, he is one of my best friends and I guess I'm scared that if we get together all of that will change. I always want us to be this way. But, he knows how I feel about everything. Why is he even messing with me? Why does he put up with me? Better question. Why is he so amazing? I wouldn't be this bothered by it if he wasn't so darn wonderful. Well, ma made me see that whatever step I take I'd run the risk of getting my feelings hurt. Either my feelings will be shattered because of him finding some other female to be by his side because of me holding him off so long, or us parting ways after being that girl by his side. So, whatever. Might as well go for it, right.
of sweetness

Oh wow [24 Apr 2005|09:48pm]
It's been a while. So much has happened. Visit mi xanga for the extendeds.

I got into BGSU, but that doesn't matter cause I'm going to Syracuse baby, yea. Thanks to auntie shari and uncle nelson for the beautiful gift in my Easter card that paid my deposit! Heyullz yea.

I am so smitten with a particular guy. He knows who he is. Mommy is talking of flying him down for graduation. Wouldn't that rock so hard? It would. It would, indeed. Yay for me for if you believe it or not, I like semi have a guy, now. He's amazingly wonderfuly created. Thank you God.

Prom is Saturday. Ummm, yea. It sorta snuck up on me. I've been concerning myself with calculus exam, college, college money, and graduation. Yea, graduation! GRADUATION!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! BYE SUCKAZ!!!!!!! Neways, there's much to do to be ready for prom. Yea. lol. I'm a slacker. At least I have all the essentials like dress and shoes. Yea..nothing else tho.

Periods suck. But at least it'll be off for prom!

Spring makes my eyes rebel against my head.

I went to Syracuse this past weekend. It was great! I spent time with Joel. Fun stuff. Great stuff, even. Again, check the xanga for the extendeds.

My eyes hurt.

send me money
of sweetness

Speak Slothfully and Carry A Big Stick [20 Mar 2005|11:35pm]
I had such a kick ayuss weekend!

It was so pretty after school last Friday, and I didn't have to stay after! I rode home with Shelby that day and I got home and found that I have been awarded an $8000 Chancellor scholarship for SU. I was so excited, even though I was kind of upset I hadn't done well enough for the $12000 Founders, I am still very pleased with myself. Then I went to work, blah. It wasn't bad tho and I got to leave on time. I came home, packed for Asheboro, and talked to Joel. He absolutley loved the Unwrapped cds vol 1-3 that I sent him for his b-day that Thursday. He absolutely adored them and I was so pleased with myself. lol

Then I got up and went to Ryshia's at like 5:30 in the morning and then we went to the school after Walmart shopping at like 7:15. We loaded the buses for Asheboro, which is a leadership retreat that a group of students take each year. This was my first year. I really didn't know what to expect, and even coming back now I still don't think I fully got what I was supposed to get from the retreat, but I did learn a lot about myself and things that I want to change about myself. yay! Excited! I'll tell all about my self-discovery in a later entry. Anyway, the retreat didn't go so well for me at first. I was getting very irritable b/c I was tired and hadn't had a nap, and I felt like we were being rushed and weren't given adequate time to relax or reflect on the events that were happening or the discussions that were going on that were supposed to help us open up to one another. I have to do things on my own time. I don't do well with time constraints. Which is probably why I have such horrible time management. Anyway, as the weekend went on I began to enjoy it more bit by bit. The last day was the best, though. The senior walk is the memory I will hold most dear. I didn't realize I care so much for these people that I really don't have any significant friendships with. But somehow I share this connection with my class and there are some things about them that I took for granted, and some things I realized they do and probably don't realize they do that really make my day. Everyone began to cry after Ashley and Callie spoke, and I was looking around like "Why is everyone crying? We're going to see one another in school tomorrow!" But then people began coming up to me and huggin' on me and crying all over my shoulders and saying how much they loved me and are going to miss me and I suppose I realized exactly how much I'm going to miss them, too. It was like something just went off. I broke down. I realized exactly how much I truly appreciate them and have gotten accustomed to them always being there. I didn't think I had any sort of connection with this place other than Larryshia, Rosa, and the band, but I do. lol in some strange way I do. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal leaving to go all the way to SU to go to school, but it's going to be an adjustment getting used to not having these people around me doing what they do best and in some strange way, unknowingly by them or me, having an effect on my daily life.

Neways, I got home last night and there was tons of mail waiting for me that my mom had already opened b/c she's extremely nosey and couldn't wait for me to return. I am being invited to be in the Honors program for SU. I am seriously considering joining because I know there is some favor that comes with the title, but I don't want to feel pressured into taking those courses. College will already be an adjustment for me, and I didn't want to be thrown into it already being killed by mounds and mounds of work. Perhpaps part of that is my inner slacker talking, but I know another part of that is based on reasonable logic. I also got my financial package from them. It rocks! My need is fully met (well, except for 80 bucks which I can pay for out of one paycheck). There is only one $2000 dollar loan which I believe I can handle. I got that $8,000 scholarship and, get this, like a $17,000 grant! I'm so happy about that. That's a nice chunk of change. The only thing is that they did just what I said, they met my need. That still leaves my $13000 EFC to be accounted for. How are we going to swing that? I dunno, but I really am praying that God will provide a way for all of this to happen for me because I really want it to! I want it to so bad with all of my heart and soul and body!!!! It would be the greatest gift ever in the history of all great gifts given! ...besides Jesus of course...and life...somedays

Oh yea, I also got a $15000 scholarship or so from BGSU. I have their portfolio review this Saturday. I know next to nothing about BGSU, and applying there was really spur of the moment. I wonder if I'll like it? A better question is I wonder if I'll like it better than SU, which is highly doubtful, but stranger things have happened.

of sweetness

[15 Mar 2005|11:48pm]
I think I have rediscovered livejournal since I've taken this Web Design course. Updates!

I got accepted into Bowling Green State University. I got my letter Monday. I hardly noticed tho b/c I was still on my SU high. Still am.

My knee hurts. It's a jumping pain. It jumps from one knee to the other. Sucks!

Today is Joel's birthday. I think I am too send him some music. <3

I am shocked that as soon as I find an amazing guy (granted he's 700 miles away) I get hollered at everyday. I wonder if guys have like broken availability radars or sumn. When I was alone no one wanted me. lol


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
My mom and I in front of the Shaffer art building at Syracuse in the middle of frikkin' cold ass January.
of sweetness

[13 Mar 2005|12:09am]
DO NOT READCollapse )
of sweetness

I feel so good [12 Mar 2005|11:29pm]
I am so high right, now. I just found out on Saturday that I got accepted into Syracuse University! I'm so excited and I've been on this high for two days, now. Two days. I don't see it calming down anytime soon. I'm getting encouraging words and advice telling me not to worry about the extreme amount of money it costs to go there. Everyone is being so supportive and helpful. Everytime I tell someone that I got accpeted I smile this really big cornball smile and giggle and act all goofy. I think I am in love with SU. Seriously. I haven't seriously updated this page in a while. Not like it matters anyway. I'm so excited!

Oh, here is my prom dress

and here are my shoes
6 spoonfuls| of sweetness

[27 Jan 2005|12:08am]
I'm in class and went e-window shopping. There are my links for future reference!








of sweetness

Question [10 Jan 2005|06:44pm]
For those who are/were in college, please give a little advice to the college bound. What do you do to maximize the space in your teeny tiny closets? How could everything possibly fit?

And just so this post isn't all txt Read more...Collapse )
1 spoonful| of sweetness

[09 Jan 2005|10:10am]
</td><td valign="top">OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.</td></tr>
You are 18% geek

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

of sweetness

I just need to take a minute to breathe [28 Dec 2004|12:45am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Wow, this is certainly a holiday season to remember. It's not even the fact that we opened our gifts at 2 in the mawnin, or getting stuck in my gramma's driveway. It's just so much stuff going on. I met my gramma, my biological father's mother. I saw my cousin Myesha again, who I didn't know was my cousin until the day my mama told me my dad wasn't my biological father, and her mother.

Joel and I, well, how do you say, layed out the goods. so he knows I like him, and I know he likes me, and we both know we can't do a dayum thing about it.

I saw monkey today. He came with me over my uncle's house. While there my bio father called my ma and well, i spoke to him for the first time ever. We talked about trigonometry. I told him I liked triangles. Then he says he wants to see me. So I'm going to see him tomorrow. Yea, kinda weird, but yanno, he wants to see me and well, I shouldn't deny him the opportunity.

so yea, tomorrow should be an interesting day. Shopping with monkey in the morning and meeting the supplier of the other half of my genes in the afternoon.

of sweetness

I'd shed a tear for my black ppl, but would it do any good? [17 Dec 2004|01:11am]

Yea, that's my school. No, I wasn't there. I didn't have an exam today.

I know I've been sorta MIA, lately. I've been super stressed with all this stuff going on. Senior project is over and I can breate again, tho. ::exhale::
of sweetness

[21 Aug 2004|11:20am]
Brapbapbapbappa Baow!

wowies. It's been a hot minute! I updated my journal a few times while I wasn't updating this page. Go takes a looksie k. D-lirious

hmmm...well. I went to the concert! I enjoyed myself. Much! lol, me and Kanye were matching. seafoam green! lol anyways, school started ::blech:: eewies. I'm disliking school so much right now. So so so much! I mean, my teachers are cool, but gosh, I wasn't ready to go back. I really wasn't. I still have my job, which is good because some ppl got laid off. I didn't need to get laid off.

I took my snr pics. I got my proofs back. woot! I'm gonna help out with them. This year is already expensive. I need to learn to save my checks tho when I get them. lol, I got paid Thursday and last night me and Marc went out to eat and shop. lol, I spent like 60 bucks. shameful. lol, I got a cute outfit tho, and I bought him a birthday gift so it's all good. I had a nice time. It's been a while since we hung out, yanno.

Teh air conditioner broke a few days ago. Omg. It was HELL!!!!! It was so frikkin hot in this frikkin' house. It was hotter than it was outside! AND IT WAS HOT OUTSIDE! wtf. Neways, it made it worse because they were sleeping with the glass sliding door all open and I'm all paranoid about it. You never know, yanno. Folks are crazy nowadays. Crazy ppl!

hmmm...I can't remember if there's anything else to report. So I guess not. lol. hollerz

1 spoonful| of sweetness

[29 Jul 2004|12:18am]

Vampire Profile
Zodiac Sign
Years as a vampire 30000
Special power premonitions
You Hate pigs blood
Vampire Quote "You die now, mortal!"
Scariness factor - 77%
Will people make a movie after you (8) - Don't count on it. - (8)
This QuickKwiz by xxSilentSirenxx - Taken 1856 Times.
New - How do you get a guy to like you?

2 spoonfuls| of sweetness

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